Grief the insidious monster

I read a few blogs that deal with grieving, and my heart hurts for them all. There is such a common thread in grief, it matters little how you lost someone, what age they were, there is a thread of common feelings and an almost writeable time frame for what happens in every grief journey. There is also unfortunately the same lack of support or attempts at understanding from within every person's circle and from society.

A part of me wishes grief could be just like our societal norms try to force us to be. That in 2 weeks, what we have grieved is enough, that we would get back to our 'normal' selves. That the package could all be so tidily boxed up with a pretty bow and put away. But grief is nothing like it, it is an insidious monster. A lot like fire, when it burns out of control there is little we can do to stop it. We can try to spot fires and avoid moments but when grief is determined to roar it will roar. It doesn't have an end date, doesn't have any solid reason or rhyme it can come quickly, unannounced and there are moments where you think you will be consumed by it.

In the same way I think that we who live it have moments where we are like a phoenix. We make it through, we aren't fully consumed and we live on, changed by the fire but often with a new sense of determination to fight another day. There are some that become bitter, I don't mean to judge and I fully understand how it can happen, but the majority of bereaved I have met are all beautiful people, that as much as grief tries to take from us a beauty of empathy, strength, determination and appreciation is found. A new 'us' that is formed from battling the flames.

This beauty does little to stop the hurt, the missing, the ache and there is always the threat of another fire around the corner. However I can see that in every time we are not lost to grief comes a little beauty, a little of the essence of those we have lost lives in us. For if it were not for our love for them, there would not be the pain and that pain shows they will never be forgotten and are always carried in our hearts.