Dammit I have two children

I've been through two lots of morning sickness, had the exciting moment of finding out I'm pregnant and telling the world more than once, been amazed by the wonderful moment of two babies kicking for the first time, been kept awake by two babies kicking, by two lots of indigestion and two bouts of many middle of the night toilet breaks.I've bought outfits, toys, and all kinds of baby paraphernalia for two babies, I've designed the perfect nursery twice, I've heard two babies take their first cry, marveled over the beauty and perfection of two tiny people. I've cried at the sight of my two babies, been amazed at the softness of two babies skin. I've fallen in love completely and totally with two little humans, before they were born, been amazed at the love I felt when they were born and at every single time I saw them after that. I've had the privilege of naming two children and the pride at telling the world of their arrival. I've learnt the little habits and dislikes of two babies and been amazed I could create something so beautiful twice. I've worried over two children, been relieved at their progress and proud of them both.

Yet it's nearly Mothers day and to the world I have just one child, very few want to know of the child who died. I'm asked how many children I have and have to weigh up each and every time how do I respond, do I protect the asker and ignore my daughter or do I let it all out to a perfect stranger. I have people who are close to me and I know love me dearly have moments where they forget her, where they tell me I should be so thankful I have only ONE child. But I don't, I have two, forever and always, whether here or not two children live in my heart.

DAMMIT I HAVE TWO CHILDREN!!