A pair of shoes....

A Pair of Shoes...
(Author Unknown) Enigma Magazine Summer 2007

I am wearing a pair of shoes.
They are ugly shoes.
Uncomfortable shoes.
I hate my shoes.

Each day I wear them, and each day I wish I had another pair.
Some days my shoes hurt so bad that I do not think I can take another step.
Yet, I continue to wear them.
I get funny looks wearing these shoes.

They are looks of sympathy.
I can tell in others’ eyes that they are glad they are my shoes and not theirs.
They never talk about my shoes.
To learn how awful my shoes are might make them uncomfortable.

To truly understand these shoes you must walk in them.
But, once you put them on, you can never take them off.
I now realize that I am not the only one who wears these shoes.
There are many pairs in this world.

Some women are like me and ache daily as they try and walk in them.
Some have learned how to walk in them so they don’t hurt quite as much.
Some have worn the shoes so long that days will go by before they think about how much they hurt.

No woman deserves to wear these shoes.
Yet, because of these shoes I am a stronger woman.
These shoes have given me the strength to face anything.
They have made me who I am.

I will forever walk in the shoes of a woman who has lost a child.

25 Random Things

This is doing the rounds on facebook, I think if I do it here it will appear there as it's linked somhow, fingers crossed!

25 Random Things
Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you. If I tagged you, it's because I want to know more about you.

1. I am a little obssesive about ornaments, candles, flowers etc all being placed in odd numbers, don't know why but that's how it HAS to be.

2. I will notice if any of my odd numbered displays are moved even a smidge ;)

3. I have an unrational fear of people choking

4. I am extremely allergic to bees and should carry an epi pen but still haven't got around to it yet

5. I dance when I am home alone

6. I am awesome (and a tad obsessed) with stain removal, have a stain - I'm your lady!!

7. I don't know what I want to do when I grow up

8. I actually really love my Uni studies

9. I keep up with all my tv shows by watching them from US - Nothing better than watching TV when you choose to not when you have too

10. I am terrible at replying to emails, I always mean to but never get around to it

11. I worry alot that I am being a good Mum and if I teaching the right life lessons

12. I don't trust easily, if something is bothering me or I am upset it takes a lot for me to share and then there are only three people I would tell my husband and my best friends

13. I have the most amazing and awesome best friends

14. I can't say no to people

15. I am terribly stubborn, often always right and do not tell I can't do something

16. I despise liars - Now one of my new fav TV shows Lie to Me says that on average humans lie 3 times every 10 minutes, so I guess I don't sweat the white lies but do not mess with me over the big stuff and if you have something to say, say it to my face

17. I am saddened by ignorant attitudes to other cultures and homosexuality

18. According to my son I am random and annoying - I love nothing more than sneaking up on him or jumping out of places to scare him

19. I am not allowed to have anymore children as both I and the baby could die

20. I am addicted to cups of tea and easily have 20 a day

21. I love love love smoking and doubt I will ever give up

22. I wish I had gotten to know my Dad's parents better, I was young when they died

23. I adored my father-in-law and miss him everyday

24. I am scared of my son growing up, I can't the stand the thought that there WILL be days I won't get to talk to him

25. I suck at guitar hero but man I love it!!!

Tuesday


I was recently directed to this blog, please visit and pray or send thoughts for this precious princess and her family.

From the bush to the beach to the inner city

We had a wonderful week away! Here's some photos while I find time to sort through the rest :)

Us being stupid in the inner city

and just because it's a cool photo

My main big/little man

The terrorist teen let me take a couple of photos - a rare occurance without bribes.

Sigh he is growing up so very fast....

Rod's tattoo

Isn't it awesome?? I'm not a huge fan of tattoo's but I adore this one. We both felt with Grace's 10 year anniversary that we wanted "something" to mark the time. Rod chose this, it is pretty close to Grace's actual footprint and is the exact same size.

Me, I still don't know what I want.... I can't tattoo as I develop keloid scars, I already have a birthstone ring for Grace's month and my mothers ring ..... not sure what I want. I am thinking about a magnolia tree for many reasons, I love them, I love that it takes so long to grow - and that it is permanent, a forever type of tree. It will be around and beautiful for a veeeery long time. One of my favourite quotes since losing Grace " I realize as a woman how lucky I am. I was there when that wonderful creature drifted into my life and I was there when she drifted out. It was the most precious moment of my life. " is from Steel Magnolias. So maybe I have decided, I do need to check around and ensure it will grow here. Any other ideas???

Sometimes you should just trust your mothering instinct

This knife was never a good idea and one I was against from the start. Dad said oh but he needs it for when does army cadets, Zac said oh but I need it - a knife is a tool and not a toy Mum, and should be treated like one.

Then we end up with this.....

oh and well may you ask was the said knife being treated like a tool? Well, unless you would count trying to cut a boucy ball up whilst holding it in your hand and cutting toward your hand as a tool purpose, NO it wasn't. The crafty teen of course sang out for Dad, who says we need to go to hospital and believes the teen says he did it with a pair of scissors. I wait until we are in the car on the way to the hospital before I say "Hey Zac I didn't know we had any scissors that sharp, which ones were you using?" Zac says oh the ones from my room, I say "but they aren't sharp"........... Stony silence.... Mum "So what did you cut yourself with then Zac?" Loooooong pause.................. "A blade" he replies and Mum asks "what was the blade attached too?".................. No answer and Mum loses her cool completely.

It is actually one of those moments I can look back on and say I did go a little too far but when just the week previously I had noticed him with it and said get that in your army pack now or lose it , when I knew, I just knew and had voiced it was a bad idea and let them talk me into it I couldn't hold my cool. I had a hard time at the hospital not laughing as they would both periodically turn to me and look at me so sheepishly and I have learnt I will be listening to that mothering instinct and not giving in again.

These photos are actually 10 days later with the stitches out and looking quite good, thank God!

I do feel sad for him, it's a rotten time to not be able to get your hand wet and to have to take 3 weeks off the job he just started.

Then on Sunday whilst he is at my parents I get a call from Dad that they are just taking him up to emergency. He was bitten by a dog on his other hand! He and his cousin had lost a ball over a neighbours fence and the lady asked them to point to it, Zac stuck his finger through to point and the dog jumped up and bit it. This fence was 5 ft high then had a lattice topping and it was through the latice that Zac pointed. The owner was really quite rude, blamed Zac and said it is a guard dog you know. So now he had another hand that couldn't get wet and was difficult to use. The below photo is the second dressing which is a lot smaller than the first but the finger is quite a mess underneath. So while his stitches on the knife hand are out he has to keep the dressing on for a week and avoid water.

He really isn't having the best ho9lidays :(

17 years

Just where does time go!

We have been married 17 years today and at the end of this month we will have been together for 20 years. Yes if you're doing your maths I have been with Rod since I was 16 and got married at 19. That sounds scary young now that I have a nearly 15 year old lol and I now have a better understanding of the people who said we would never make it.

I have no regrets - I love this man more with every passing day.

Our marriage hasn't been the bed of roses I hoped for, with the miscarriage, losing Grace and being unable to have more children, our marriage has been to hell and back.

I am just so thankful he has always been at my side.

"Looks like we made it"

I love you Rod and the best is yet to come.

Happy New Year!!

I have been trying to get on and post an update for awhile but blogger has been a pain. I hope everyone had a fabulous New Year's eve and hope the next year brings all you dream of. I'm not a fan of New Year Resolutions as I feel if I want to make a change I should just do it instead of saving it for the New Year, so no big announcements here.

A new year does make me stop and think about the last one and it was fantastic. Zac is at a great age and we as parents and people (as in Theresa and Rod) are starting to develop a lot more. Zac, himself is showing signs of the man he is becoming and is a delight to us. My start to Uni couldn't have gone any better and I feel very lucky to have had the wonderful lecturers and fellow students I had in my first year. We have such wonderful families and are very blessed to be surrounded by caring, positive friends.

All in all I think we are blessed :)

The end of 2008 also brings the last year in which my Nan was here, I miss her greatly. Time moves so very quickly and it is hard to believe it is nearly a year since she died. Also another year is always another year without Grace. More time between us and her, and moving past a decade now :(, it hurts just to think it.

Onto other news this is my baby off to work! He is working at the local bakery as a kitchen hand and doing a fabulous job of it.

Oh and Zac and his friend on guitar hero, this game rocks!!

Have a great week
Txx

Christmas day photos

Sleepy Zac at 4.30am

Pretty pleased with his new mobile

Oh cool I didn't know there was another book out

and Zac's HUGE santa sack

Rod, his Mum and sisters

Our gorgeous great niece Zalia

Cutey great nephew Noah

I have so many gorgeous nephews and this is Mark

My Dad

My Mum and my brother

Nephew Liam and Zac

My beautiful niece Jessica